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Wednesday, January 12, 2011


What a whirlwind my life has been these last few weeks! First, the holidays, which were wonderful, simple and full of joy and love. Then, on New Year's Day, I slipped on the ice on my front porch and re-broke my tailbone. OUCH!

On the next Monday, my boss called me and our office manager into his office and let us know his business is failing. He told us that he would probably go under in the next few months and let us know that if we wanted to try and ride it out with him, we could, but he wasn't sure if he'd have enough money to pay us next month. I went home that night and tried to sleep on it, but I couldn't sleep at all. So, I got up and knelt in the living room for quite a while, searching for direction. I felt as if I should go ahead and quit.

I have mixed feelings about my decision. I am a little nervous about our family making it financially without me working. But, I do feel strangely at peace about the decision. I will be able to stay at home with my kiddos for a while, which I have missed SO much. Each moment home has been a blessing, and though I miss my job and my customers, I am so much happier now. I've been cleaning and helping with homework and decorating and cooking and trying very hard to never take any of these opportunities for granted. I am so blessed to be at this point in life, where I really, truly feel the importance and blessing of each aspect of motherhood. If nothing else, being a working mama teaches you to treasure every moment you're given with your family.

I am also so grateful that I will be more available to help Tyler as he heads back to school this semester. I may have mentioned earlier that he struggles with school as one with dyslexia. I am so excited that we will be more able to study together and that he will not have to worry about taking care of the children while I'm gone, in addition to all his other responsibilities.

So, pretty much the only con, is the whole financial aspect. Tyler called his old boss from several years ago and asked if there is potential to come back to work there, even part-time. He made pretty good money there, so if he could get back, it would be a tremendous relief for our family. He was told that they are short-handed, but not quite ready to hire, but to call back every month or so and check back. They are thinking that possibly they could bring him back on in the Spring.

So as you can see, our life is pretty much nuts. But honestly, we'll take it. It's not cancer. It's not divorce. It's not a loss of faith. It's just financial trials. That, we can deal with. That, we can conquer. Together.

At times like these, I'm so comforted to know that I have a loving Heavenly Father who understands and honors the desires of my heart. As I live righteously and with full purpose, I believe that I can achieve joy.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before on my blog, but I desperately want to have at least one more baby. Right after Macey was born, while the nurse was in the room washing her up, I had a strong prompting that there was another baby in heaven for me. It was very, very strong. I am so grateful for that prompting, given the financial and physical trials I've had since then, because it's given me something to work towards.

I have three things that are stopping us from trying for another baby now:

1. We have no insurance. (We do now, so this is taken care of)
2. We do not make enough money.
3. I weigh too much to have a healthy pregnancy.

Though I really want to get pregnant NOW, I know that I would be unwise to do so without first overcoming these obstacles. Bloggers, can you please offer a prayer for me? I can't wait too long, because I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), which makes it harder to conceive and carry a baby the longer I wait. I've already had four miscarraiges and my risk for more increases with each pound I put on and each year of my life. I need the desire to do something more about my weight. And we need to make more money. I feel a little funny asking for your help, but I do have a testimony of the power of prayer.

Anyway, that's the latest installment in the Walton Family Saga. I love the gospel. I would be lost without its warmth and meaning. I love you all as well. God bless you each in your own endeavors. I'd love to "prayer swap." Please tell me what prayers you are in need of for your own lives. What are you struggling with? What is the desire of your heart?


jnkeller said...

What a crazy roller coaster ride for your family! Of COURSE we'll be praying for you! I know you can do it. You're so strong and your family has such faith!

Prayer swap... I don't really have to think too hard to come up with something. I know you'll be able to relate to this. I'm struggling to juggle our latest family adjustment (just as you are). I'm trying my hardest to take care of everything - taking care of new baby, making older son feel loved and wanted, household things, and work responsibilities. I'm really, really struggling because of a few things...lack of sleep being one of the highest on the scale. I know I'll pull through this, it's just pretty hard right now. Like I said, I know you can relate. :)

Thanks for the prayer swap!


Anna said...

I feel like I'm reading a blog entry I could have wrote. (Except I haven't been working.)

Jason lost his job last Oct and is going to school right now. We also have no insurance at the moment, don't make right now, and I'm trying to lose the weight.

I'm not sure if we will have another baby or not, but I know that it won't/can't happen until we make more money, have insurance, and I want to be at a healthier weight to have a baby. I just want to have one pregnancy that I'm "cute pregnant". You know, slimmer with a belly that actually looks pregnant (not just me looking bigger). :)

I'm using www.myfitnesspal.com to track my calories. It really helps you see what you are putting into your body and whether you really want to put all that "junk" in your body.

My sister is my biggest supporter (and of course my husband). But my sister is the fitness person. She runs marathons and is going to school to be a fitness trainer. She gives me all sorts of advice and ideas.

Her facebook is Active Life Fitness Training. Maybe you could "like" it and see what she could tell you about calories needed, etc.

I know somedays no money, overweight, etc is frustrating, but I try to see it as a challenge. I can make it through. I WILL make it through. You will too.

K Walton said...

Nicole, thanks, as always, for your prayers. I will prayer for your little family right now. ESPECIALLY that little Nathan will start sleeping through the night soon. I know how hard it can be to operate on too little sleep. I hope you guys are doing well. I love ya!

Anna, thanks for the tip! I'll have to check out that site and also your sister's. It's awesome that you have that support system. It's so comforting to know someone else who's struggling with the same things as I am. Thanks so much for the comment. It reminded me that I CAN do this!

Sandi said...

Prayers are most definitely coming your way!!! (HUGS) and hang in there, my dear!!! I have no doubt that you can do everything you put your mind to!

Aaron & Emily Conner said...

PCOS is a weird syndrome, isn't it? I have it as well. Are you on Metformin for it? I know my Dr. put me on metformin/glucophage and a lower carb diet and it helped me get to a more healthy weight. I also feel a lot better when I take it. Anyway...

Prayers your way. You are an inspiration to me. Hang in there. Pray for us as well. I want another baby now, too. But at this point I've given up hope for that. Pray that I'll be able to have the faith I need to proceed and accept His will.

The Huffies said...

Sending prayers your way! I know that if you just hang on, things will get better...wish you lived closer - we could be walking partners :) And on a separate note: Ben is often looking for an on-call assistant to fill in when his secretary is on vacation/sick, so if you're interested, let me know - you definitely have good experience for it!

K Walton said...

Carol, you'd be an awesome walking partner! I wish you were closer too! I'd most definitely be interested in doing on-call for Ben. Tell him to keep me in mind for sure!

K Walton said...

Sandi, thanks for the loves. I'll pray for you too! You the bestest cuz ever!

Emily, never give up hope. I'm inspired by you as well. I'll send some of my extr-power-packed prayers up for you. Just remember, God works in mysterious ways! And yes, I'm on Metformin. I still need to do a little better with the low-carb thing. (OK, I'll admit it...a LOT better;) Have you found that your symptoms lessened or reversed themselves as you lost weight? Just curious... and is your PCOS a contributing factor to your not being able to conceive easily? It's nice to know someone who struggles with some of the same health problems! Love ya!

Aaron & Emily Conner said...

I worked for a DR. when we first moved here who "specialized" in PCOS so it was really easy for me to maintain the lower carb diet because there were several of us in the office doing it. I ended up losing a lot of weight; too much in my opinion because I lost energy. Once I changed jobs I put some back on and am now where my body is healthy at. PCOS is part of the problem with me conceiving, but my endometriosis is the main cause. Some of the symptoms of PCOS went away as I lost weight, but not all of them. My periods did get regular and I felt better.