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Thursday, January 10, 2013


I'm back. I've been through a lot in the last five months: grieving the loss of several friends, dealing with injuries my hubby sustained at work, taking care of a very sick little girl back in November, being a rock for my hubby as he continues his education, as well as dealing with the day-to-day struggle of financial instabilities that come with Tyler being a student. A few months ago, I thought that I had power over my addiction to food, but unfortunately, over the past several months of extreme stress, I turned to food once again to medicate and numb the stress in my life. As the holidays concluded, I was heartbroken to see what succumbing to my addiction had yielded: a staggering and rapid weight-gain. I was devastated.

I found myself at a crossroads. I could continue to give up on myself. I could beat myself up and believe myself a complete and miserable failure. I could see myself as too far gone. Or I could dig deeper, give this thing another try, and get back on track, knowing that if I lost 76 pounds once, I could lose weight again.

As I was positioning myself to make this decision, I spoke to my wise husband about the church's 12-Step Addiction Recovery Program. He acquired a workbook for me and I set off on a journey to healing through the twelve steps as interpreted through the doctrines of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. In short, I made a conscious decision to once again, involve my Heavenly Father and His son to share this journey with me. I chose hope. Right away, I began to see a change in my willpower, my desire, my perspective.

I also discovered a reality show through Netflix streaming, called "Ruby." The show follows a morbidly obese woman who once weighed 719 pounds, as she battles her weight and fights for a better life. The show was so helpful and informational for me. I learned so much about myself as Ruby spoke with her therapists, doctors, and nutritionist. I learned about the nature of addiction and about the necessity of finding out what caused the addiction to form in the first place.

Without going into any detail, I explored my past and found that perhaps my food had become a coping mechanism at an early age. As I learn to deal with pain, stress, self-doubt, fear, and discomfort head-on, in a more productive and positive way, I am confident that I will be able to be freed from my need for food as a drug. Involving the Savior in this journey will make me that much stronger, and by His grace, I will see many miracles as I strive to get my life back on track.

A week ago, I went back to Weight Watchers to face the music. I was shocked by how much weight I had managed to pack back on in such a short time period, but it was a lesson to me: I can never go back to my old ways. I learned that if I do what I had always done then, I will continue to get what I had gotten then. Fat. And miserable. This week, I have started to track every bite again. I have exercised every day, but not nearly as much as I had before. I want to be a little more sensible and practical, since this is a lifestyle I will need to maintain for the rest of my life. I used all my points as well as all my splurge points and I really didn't feel deprived at all. I was so suprised and elated to find that I had lost SEVEN pounds last night at my weigh in.

Now, I am hoping that I can find the momentum to keep making positive, sensible choices each day. I know that the Lord will help me if I turn to Him for He is so very good to me. I can do all things through Him. He wants me to be healthy.


Tamaran said...

Glad to hear from you again. You have been missed. Hang in there and know that people are praying for your success (even crazy random blog stalkers ;).

K Walton said...

Thanks. I appreciate your support so much, crazy random blog stalker. :)