FOOD FOR THE SPIRIT--Hard Things

What a whirlwind my life has been these last few weeks! First, the holidays, which were wonderful, simple and full of joy and love. Then, on New Year's Day, I slipped on the ice on my front porch and re-broke my tailbone. OUCH!

On the next Monday, my boss called me and our office manager into his office and let us know his business is failing. He told us that he would probably go under in the next few months and let us know that if we wanted to try and ride it out with him, we could, but he wasn't sure if he'd have enough money to pay us next month. I went home that night and tried to sleep on it, but I couldn't sleep at all. So, I got up and knelt in the living room for quite a while, searching for direction. I felt as if I should go ahead and quit.

I have mixed feelings about my decision. I am a little nervous about our family making it financially without me working. But, I do feel strangely at peace about the decision. I will be able to stay at home with my kiddos for a while, which I have missed SO much. Each moment home has been a blessing, and though I miss my job and my customers, I am so much happier now. I've been cleaning and helping with homework and decorating and cooking and trying very hard to never take any of these opportunities for granted. I am so blessed to be at this point in life, where I really, truly feel the importance and blessing of each aspect of motherhood. If nothing else, being a working mama teaches you to treasure every moment you're given with your family.

I am also so grateful that I will be more available to help Tyler as he heads back to school this semester. I may have mentioned earlier that he struggles with school as one with dyslexia. I am so excited that we will be more able to study together and that he will not have to worry about taking care of the children while I'm gone, in addition to all his other responsibilities.

So, pretty much the only con, is the whole financial aspect. Tyler called his old boss from several years ago and asked if there is potential to come back to work there, even part-time. He made pretty good money there, so if he could get back, it would be a tremendous relief for our family. He was told that they are short-handed, but not quite ready to hire, but to call back every month or so and check back. They are thinking that possibly they could bring him back on in the Spring.

So as you can see, our life is pretty much nuts. But honestly, we'll take it. It's not cancer. It's not divorce. It's not a loss of faith. It's just financial trials. That, we can deal with. That, we can conquer. Together.

At times like these, I'm so comforted to know that I have a loving Heavenly Father who understands and honors the desires of my heart. As I live righteously and with full purpose, I believe that I can achieve joy.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before on my blog, but I desperately want to have at least one more baby. Right after Macey was born, while the nurse was in the room washing her up, I had a strong prompting that there was another baby in heaven for me. It was very, very strong. I am so grateful for that prompting, given the financial and physical trials I've had since then, because it's given me something to work towards.

I have three things that are stopping us from trying for another baby now:

1. We have no insurance. (We do now, so this is taken care of)
2. We do not make enough money.
3. I weigh too much to have a healthy pregnancy.

Though I really want to get pregnant NOW, I know that I would be unwise to do so without first overcoming these obstacles. Bloggers, can you please offer a prayer for me? I can't wait too long, because I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), which makes it harder to conceive and carry a baby the longer I wait. I've already had four miscarraiges and my risk for more increases with each pound I put on and each year of my life. I need the desire to do something more about my weight. And we need to make more money. I feel a little funny asking for your help, but I do have a testimony of the power of prayer.

Anyway, that's the latest installment in the Walton Family Saga. I love the gospel. I would be lost without its warmth and meaning. I love you all as well. God bless you each in your own endeavors. I'd love to "prayer swap." Please tell me what prayers you are in need of for your own lives. What are you struggling with? What is the desire of your heart?