FOOD FOR THE SPIRIT--Weepy Woman

Boy, am I weepy today.  I know it's been a while since I've written, and honestly I'm doing ok.  It's just that I'm still adjusting to our "new life."  It's been almost three years since Tyler lost his job and I have been grieving this week, remembering how life used to be.  It really is silly, since there are so many others who are worse off than we are.  We have jobs, but they do not pay well, and with three jobs and full time school between the two of us, sometimes the schedules really get me down.  It is so hard to be dependent on others for help with childcare as often as we are.  Each time I go to work, my heart physically aches to be home with my babies.  Sometimes, I just want to bag the whole working mom thing, come home, decorate my house, cook and clean all day, and live the life I feel I was MEANT to have.  The life I used to have.  Don't get me wrong, I love my jobs.  I really have been so very blessed to find the jobs I have and they bless me in many ways.  It is honestly nice to have some peace and quiet at work and on my commute, and most days, being a working mom is fine and dandy.  But there are days when I realize that I'm drowning in dirty laundry, we haven't had a home cooked meal for days, and that my kids are growing up way too quickly!  And Fall semester is coming.  Oh, how I dread Fall Semester!!!  Tyler is now forced to take his classes in Logan, which will require a ridiculous amount of driving, and a TON of gas money.  He will be in class from 7:30-12:30 every weekday, then will have to go to work at 3:00 most days of the week.  Add my full work day on Tuesdays and Thursdays and my on-call job for the counseling office, the kids' school schedules, singing lessons, and sports, and I fear we have quite a mess.  I am seriously stressed about how this is all going to work.  In addition to that, Tyler is now into upper division classes, some of which are off the charts in their level of difficulty.  My biggest fear is that my family, who is SO very kind and supportive and so willing to help us out, will become burned out.  My Macey will be in preschool and will require drop off and pick up on the days that I work, the girls will still be at Lakeview, and Matthew will be attending the new Charter school in Perry.  It scares me that he will be there all alone and that he won't have his sisters to look out for him.  I feel that the charter school is a good opportunity for him, but I still wish the girls had won the lottery too.  It feels so mean that I am splitting them up!  I know that the Lord has carried us this far, and He has always helped us so that schedules were able to be worked out, and that family was able to step in when needed, but I still manage to worry about it profusely.  Maybe it's simply a lack of faith.

On the weight loss front, it's been a little bit of a discouraging month.  In June, I had a family vacation and I ended up taking a few weeks off from tracking and I kind of ate whatever I wanted for a little while.  Sigh.  Because I knew I had gained, I talked myself out of going to one weigh in, then couldn't go the next week because it was the 4th of July.  So when I finally went back, I was so disappointed to find that I had gained a whopping 11 pounds.  In one month.  The temptation has been to get frustrated with myself, to beat myself up, but I'm really trying to stay positive.  I'm back on track, and have recommitted myself to living the program faithfully.  I am trying to focus on enjoying it.  I want it to be fun again!  I did lose one pound last night, but my total WW loss is back down in the 50's.  I was at 66 last month, so that truthfully has been disappointing.  I tried to go back to the "old me" way of living and I got a lesson.  A hard one.  But, I am feeling more optimistic and I am definitely ready to give this thingy another try.

I can do this.  I can do hard things.  I know I can.  But, sometimes, I can't do it by myself.  I know that with the Savior's help and the love and guidance of my Heavenly Father, we can get through these difficulties.  I really do have much to be grateful for.  We have a temple in Brigham City!  I can see it from my front room window and I can walk there from my house in less than ten minutes.  I am so thrilled to have the opportunity to be involved in hosting at the Open House.  I am also so excited to walk through the temple with my little ones.  We will always treasure that opportunity.  I have my health.  I have a wonderful family.  My husband and I are so in love, you'd think we were newlyweds.  (Wink, wink)  Life has its ups and downs, but our downs are so much better than so many heartaches that others are called to endure.  I cannot and will not complain because I know that all the adversity I pass through will be for my own good and that I will only be left alone if I turn and walk away from the Savior.  And I will not do that.  I love Him far too much to let earthly matters disable me spiritually.  It will all work out.