FOOD FOR THE SPIRIT--I Won't Give Up!

As you know, these last 2 1/2 months have been a whirlwind of change and emotion for me and for my family. I have had moments of profound gratitude and days when I have felt so incredibly cared for and watched over. Unfortunately, I have also had days and nights when I have allowed pride and frustration to enter into and harden my heart. Something about the survival-of-the-fittest mentality of a job search and a whole new way of life for our family, left me lacking once again in regards to things spiritual. I found myself this week, at the bottom of the vicious cycle of pride spoken of in the Book of Mormon. Tonight's post, at a rather late hour, is my way of pledging to God that I will not allow Satan's lies and tales of hopelessness and worthlessness defeat me.

Tonight, I read of a literal account of hopelessness in Alma 56. Moroni and his "little" band of 2000 young, inexperienced soldiers, found themselves in dire circumstances in a very dangerous war for liberty:

vs. 40 ". . . Neither would I turn to the right nor to the left lest they should overtake me, and we could not stand against them, but be slain. . . and thus did we flee all that day into the wilderness, even until it was dark."

I found myself in this verse. I found myself running from fear and uncertainty. I was there, running from my fear of failure, my disappointment in self. Imagine my surprise when I again found myself a few verses later, in a much different light:

vs. 44 "Therefore, what say ye my sons, will ye go against them to battle?"

Yes! I do not want to give up this most important fight. The fight for liberty of soul and spirit! I will trust AGAIN in the God who has delivered me in the past!

Then, I saw my future self in verses 46-47, and I could picture the triumph of defeating my depression, my health problems, my weight, and my uncertainty and lack of faith:

". . . behold our God is with us, and he will not suffer that we should fall; then let us go forth. . . "

". . . Now they had never fought, yet they did not fear death (or failure). . . they had been taught. . . that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them."

I do not doubt that I am here at this point in my life for a purpose. I do not doubt that, through my faith and my attitude, I possess the strength to survive and thrive through hard times. And moreover, I do not doubt that through God's tutelage, I can be guided and taught until all my weaknesses become my greatest triumphs.