FOOD FOR THOUGHT

“God does not begin by asking us about our ability, but only about our availability, and if we then prove our dependability, he will increase our capability.” --Neal A. Maxwell

FOOD FOR THE SPIRIT--The Victory's Source

Hello, all! Again, I apologize for my recent absence from blogland. My life is getting increasingly complicated and I just don't have the time I wish I did for many things right now. Tonight, though I was feeling prompted to write. I don't know if the reason is to help me or to help someone else who may need my words.

This has been a very special week for our family. Tyler got a job! It's not much, but it will allow us to reach "self-reliant" again, which is a good feeling. I just wanted to share my story of how it all came to be. . .

About a week and a half ago, my mom, who works as a missionary at our local LDS Employment Office, overheard a sister who works in the Bishop Storehouse mentioning to someone that her daughter was the one who hires for the Kimberly-Clark plant in Harrisville. She went in and asked if it would be ok to pass the lead on to her son-in-law, who was looking for a job. The lady said yes and gave my mom her a business card for her daughter and included a handwritten note with her name. We stapled the card to Ty's resume, drove to the plant and applied for the position. Tyler was then required to take two tests, both of which he aced. They scheduled an interview for him the next Wednesday. Following the interview, he felt that he didn't get the job. The interviewer even told him there were no positions available.

The next day, I drove my son to preschool, which is several miles away, in Perry. On the drive home, I lost it. I had an out-loud talk with my Father in Heaven. I told him that I was discouraged, and though I had a sure testimony of His love for me, I felt a little abandoned. I told him how confused I was. I asked him to make the way more clear for our family. I expressed some of my deepest desires: to have another baby, to have more time to work on my weight, to spend more time at home with my kids and less time at work. Then I told Him that if this was the road we needed to travel at this time, that I would keep holding on. But, if there was any way that we could receive guidance, we would welcome it gladly. It was a very humbling experience, driving and sobbing and truly talking to my "Father." The spirit was very strong. He may as well have been sitting right beside me.

About a half an hour after my prayer, my mom called and told Tyler to stay near the phone that day. She had to go, so she couldn't explain. Five minutes later, the daughter of the Sister Missionary called and invited Tyler to attend orientation the next day. We didn't learn until that night when we talked to my mom, that the Sister Missionary (who has never met Tyler) called her daughter WHILE I was praying, and asked her if she had hired him. Her daughter said no. The mother said, "You need to!"

At that moment I felt so loved! I knew that Father had heard my prayer. I felt so comforted to know that, though our difficulties are probably far from over, He does hear me. He cares about me individually.

It all reminded me of the story in Judges where Gideon is asked to form an army to go up against the Midianites. Little by little, God asks Gideon to decrease the size of his army until it is pared down to a mere 300 men. Why? So everyone who witnessed the victory of Gideon's army would know without doubt that the victory came from the God of Israel. I'll bet these soldiers were more than a little scared as they went to battle. Our family has felt much the same way as we have faced the battle of un- and under-employment. But our faith in God has never, or will it ever, wavered in the least. We know that through obedience, God will grant us victory. And we will have no doubt about that victory's source.

FOOD FOR THE BODY

This is a shout out to my new favorite website, http://www.hungry-girl.com/! I love it!!!! So today, instead of a recipe, I'm sending you to her shopping list. Here she has a pretty complete list of your best bets for healthy eating: www.hungry-girl.com/week/weeklydetails.php?isid=1973
You'll also find survival guides for restaurants like Chili's and Olive Garden, and tons of yummy recipes. She has authored some great books that are now on my birthday wish list **wink wink** So, enjoy!!!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

"The healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ--whether it removes our burdens, or stregthens us to endure and live with them. . . --is available for every affliction in mortality." (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "He Heals the Heavy Laden," Liahona, November 2006)

FOOD FOR THE SPIRIT--Contemplating the Atonement

Another hard week. I had a heart to heart with Ty (my hubby) last night. He is so wise. I asked him to name just one thing for me to work on this week. Just one thing that I can focus on. One thing, so I don't get so overwhelmed. (As I deal with my addiction to food, he is a great resource because of the nature of his work). He said that I really need to acknowledge that I am finally recognizing that my addiction is bigger than I am. I am coming to the realization that without the Savior, I am nothing. And he mentioned that while this can be a humbling thought, coming to that point in recovery can be a very liberating moment for many. In that moment, they realize that the Atonement is the very hope for which they have been searching so desperately.

It's still funny to see the word addiction pop up in my writing. I have not ever thought of my weight as being a result of an addiction until lately. Only recently have I noticed the unhealthy nature of my eating patterns, which coincide with addictive behaviors such as substance abuse. I am using food as my "medication." I notice that I go straight to the cupboard or fridge whenever there is stress, conflict, or boredom in my home. My worst binges are at night while I wait up for Tyler to get home from his swing shift at 11:00, because I'm lonely. I can be very defensive when confronted about my problem. I often wait to eat when no one else is around. I am looking for instant satisfaction instead of the more substantial rewards of delayed gratification. In moments of frustration and stress, when I eat for the wrong reasons, I literally get a "high"--a moment of calm and release. All of these behaviors indicate that I am indeed dependant on these habits. From a gospel standpoint, an unhealthy dependence is bad because a portion of one's free agency is forfeited. With this new understanding, I am feeling more of a need for the Atonement and the help that comes from my Savior.

So back to my hubby's advice. He suggested that this week, I simply ponder on my testimony of the Atonement. Do I believe in the personal nature of the Atonement? More specifically, do I have a testimony that Christ suffered on MY behalf? Do I KNOW that He can and WILL take away my pain and heal my wounds as I come unto Him? Do I understand the fundamentals of the Atonement? Do I know how it works? Can I think of times in my life, when Christ has come to my aid? Can I allow my reflections of those instances help to build my faith that He will again guide me from bondage?

I would invite anyone reading this blog to join me as I contemplate the Atonement this week. I would also love any feedback you may have or inspiration you receive as you do so. Thanks for letting me sound off on my personal weaknesses. It is a humbling and cleansing experience. Love to you all!!!