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Tuesday, July 9, 2013

FOOD FOR THE SPIRIT -- How Can I Keep From Singing?

The last few weeks have been interesting!  At my last doctor's appointment, I was so out of breath and I could also tell that my heart was racing.  I mentioned it to the doctor and he immediately tested my oxygen saturation which was 76.  It is supposed to be no lower than 90!  He told me in no uncertain terms that if it does not improve dramatically and quickly, that he would be ordering an MRI and possibly even an angiogram to rule out the possibility of a pulmonary embolism or other complication.  Later as I was talking to my mom, she mentioned that when she was pregnant with me (same age, also her fifth child) she developed congestive heart failure that lasted through her pregnancy.  I have been regularly testing my oxygen sats, and mostly they are behaving, but at times, the numbers are still dangerously low.  The doctor is watching me very closely and I am now considered high-risk.  Whew!

With all this comes exhaustion, difficulty breathing, and often feelings of anxiousness!  I attended the temple again last week when my brother was in town for a visit and I was struggling with my breathing to the point that I almost had to get up and leave.  I am so glad that my prayers were answered and I was able to make it through the session!  That night, my husband and dad gave me a blessing.  I was blessed with the ability to read my body's signals, and know what I should do to care for myself through this pregnancy.  I was also admonished to be patient and to be faithful and to put my trust in God.  I hope that I can hang in there and that my symptoms will be manageable throughout the next 22 weeks!  Any prayers for a healthy pregnancy would be greatly appreciated!

I am trying so hard to eliminate stress from my life.  I will be the first to admit that at times, I can be a little intense.  I am prescribing myself a daily dose of music and meditation, both things that I have found that I need in my life if peace of mind is desired. And of course prayer!  I have also been focusing on my morning prayers, which is something I have often neglected in the past.  When I pray, on my knees, each morning, my day is a little easier and it is also easier for me to recognize the Lord's hand!

For example, last week I misplaced $100 cash.  I have been looking EVERYWHERE for that money and have been just sick about losing it!  We are going on a camping trip with my family this week and that money was so needed!  After days and days of searching and worrying, I prayed about it yesterday morning, asking Heavenly Father to help me think of where it might be.  Last night I was reading to my daughter and the story told about a missing diamond and about all the characters who were searching for it.  Something in that story triggered my memory and I thought that I would go out to our car, which has been out of commission, and look there.  After I finished reading, I walked out to the car, looked to the right of the driver's seat and there was the money, right where I'd pictured it in my mind!  Thank you, Heavenly Father!

When life is hard, chaotic, unsure, uncertain, even frightening, I find my heart full of gratitude for the gospel of Jesus Christ.  It grounds me.  The relationships that I am trying to forge with my Father and His Son, my Savior, anchor me during my most troubling times.  I want to shout to the world that I know that they are real and that they know me as an individual!  I want the world to know that I have felt their love in my daily struggles!  I want to express to all who can hear (or read) my words that I am loved!  I am numbered!  I am a daughter of God!  I have always loved the lyrics to the song, "How Can I Keep From Singing?"

My life flows on in endless song

Above earth’s lamentation
I hear the sweet, tho’ far-off hymn
That hails a new creation
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing
It finds an echo in my soul
How can I keep from singing?

What tho’ my joys and comfort die?
The Lord my Saviour liveth
What tho’ the darkness gather round?
Songs in the night He giveth
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that Refuge clinging
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?

I lift mine eyes; the cloud grows thin
I see the blue above it
And day by day this pathway smoothes
Since first I learned to love it
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart
A fountain ever springing
All things are mine since I am His
How can I keep from singing?

Here is a link to a performance of this very special, very beautiful hymn:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5BDCWUfpsU